A Forever Family - Key Roles In Marriage

"Leadership & Service"
May 31.15

In marriage there are biblically defined roles as outlined in Ephesians chapter 5. As a child growing up in church I heard a number of sermons on verse 22 and how the wife should submit to the husband. I grew up confused as I heard teaching on a submissive wife who was willing to be quiet and follow her husband no matter what, but saw at home where it took both parents to lead and carry the burden of a family. As I have matured in my understanding of scripture and now have lived for eighteen years as a married man, I see that the true struggle is not submission, but leadership and service. Who leads and who serves has been more the struggle than just plain submission.

The bible is filled with men and women who play out their roles as husband and wife. I have selected a few who I believe give example to the success and failure we can all face.

Adam (Genesis 2:15-3:7)

Here we read where Adam received instruction from God concerning the "forbidden fruit" but fails to lead his wife by failing to protect her from the serpent. He not only fails to protect her and ward off the potential evil, he joins her in the sin. We as husbands are commissioned in Paul's writings that were are to love our wives as Christ loved the church: presenting her without blemish. We are to lead by protecting and providing.

Boaz (Ruth 2-4)

The story of Ruth is a beautiful one, and if you have never read it, I suggest you take the time to read this wonderful short story. In the story, Ruth has returned as a widow to the land of Israel. According to tradition, she is able to search the fields after the reaping so that she and her mother-in-law may survive. Naomi, her moth-in-law, tells her to collect from the fields of Boaz, a close relative to her deceased husband. By law he can marry her and restore her. She does, he falls in love, and they are married. Throughout this time he does not embarrass her while she is gleaning the left overs, protects her integrity with his proposal, and wards off a would be suitor to ensure that their relationship is pure. He is a fine example of how we as husbands should conduct ourselves in the love of our wives.

Sarai (Genesis 16:1-5)

Abram and Sarai have been promised by God that they will have a son. Years pass and no child. Sarai takes lead and attempts to fulfill God's promise with her own schemes. He gives her handmaiden to her husband and the two of them conceive a child. In doing so, she creates a source of frustration and contention in her home and eventually between nations as the descendants of the illegitimate son and the legitimate son continue to bicker and war with one another even to this day. Her leading outside of God's design resulted in problems, not provision.

The Wife Of Noble Character (Proverbs 31)

The woman described in these verses is the framework for all wives. She is a woman of noble character, has godly morals, brings good and not harm, sees that her family is provided for, is prepared for emergency, and is honored by others. She is a woman who seeks God, seeks provision, and is willing to take godly wise steps to ensure that her husband and family is cared for. She seeks no reward for herself, but is loved and honored by her family for all that she does. If you are married to a woman of this description, then you know that the writer of Proverbs is correct in saying that her value is truly "priceless".

When we consider all that men and women do for one another inside a marriage, there is room for moments of leadership for both. In order to see the bigger picture, we must actually start the discussion of submission and leadership with Ephesians 5:21. This verse, set before the outline of a biblical marriage, is the key: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." It is our position in Christ that is most relevant to the exploration of marital position. We should strive to lead as Christ lead. How did he lead? Mark 9:25 and 10:45 record that in the hierarchy of God's economy, in order to lead you must first serve. So if we as husbands want to lead and ask our wives to follow, then we must be the first to serve. As we serve we are leading. There should be no difference on the two roles.