A Forever Family - Father Day

"Qualities of Fathers"
6.21.15


Fathers are big goofy boys sometimes. We are the ones who suggest building a tree house higher, using more fire works on the 4th of July, make the biggest messes, and generally stir up trouble. But what is it that a kid really needs? A fun dad? A biblical dad? I believe that we need men who demonstrate biblical characteristics to raise a next generation of world changers. There are many qualities that a father needs, but for today's discussion I am focusing on only. five.

Quality #1 - Integrity

"The one who lives with integrity is righteous; his children who come after him will be happy." (Proverbs 20:7, HCSB) Most dads want to see their kids happy. Following this verses' model, the way to have happy kids is to be a father of integrity. It means doing what is right - consistently - being complete with one's self. A man who is seeking completeness in wrong or perverted ways cannot raise a family from a position of integrity.

Quality #2 - Generous

Being a father is a position of giving. Jesus asks these simple questions about giving good gifts in Matthew 7: "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?" God is the creator of the universe. He is also our heavenly father. As a father, he is generous to give us many things: life, laughter, food, shelter, forgiveness, and the list goes on and on. He allows us as his kids to explore and grow and develop in any way we see possible. He offers guidelines on getting the maximum out of life, but allows us to decide for ourselves. Being generous is not just about things. Many men provide materialistically for their family, but lack what kids want most - love.  And for kids, nothing spells love more than T-I-M-E. We should share our time with them. Time in play, in worship, and in learning.

Quality #3 - Teacher

We share our experience with other grown ups. Listen to an adult get together and there will be conversations on news and events, best plumber to use, what new book they are reading, but do we ever share our learning with our kids? Kids have curious minds. They will seek answers to the curiosities in life. Where do babies come from? Why is the sky blue? What does LGBT mean? The list is endless. The topics are vast. We cannot teach our kids all there is, but we can teach them what they need to know. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to "start children off on the way they should go, and even when the are old they will nor turn from it." God. Jesus. The bible. Start here and teach that. The rest will fall in place once the foundation is laid.

Quality #4 - Disciplinary 

Part of teaching is discipline. Proverbs 19:18 sums it up like this: "Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death." When kids grow up we hope and pray that they find a job, earn wages, and move out. The spiritual truth is that we all earn wages of one kid or another. Paul writes in Romans 6:23 that the "wages of sin is death." We must discipline our kids to lead them away from the wages of sin and towards the life giving membership in the body of Christ. Another word about discipline: We must not embitter our children with discipline that is too much so that the kids become discouraged. Colossians 3:21 and Ephesians 6:4 remind us of this.

 Quality #5 - Appreciative 

While we are teaching and disciplining our kids, we must remind ourselves to appreciate them. Psalm 127 tells us that "children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward for him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." We work hard to have a nice house. We strive and save to get that sports car we always wanted. But do we appreciate and value the awesome gift of our kids? Do we care for them with the level of passion many of us do with our "toys"? They are infinitely more valuable! As a parent, we will one day launch our children into the world. Like an arrow, once a child is loosed, it is not possible to withdraw it. We have a limited time with them at home as small kids. We have the privilege to share life with them as adults. Appreciate your children.

A Forever Family - Faithful Parenting

"Life is Like a Roller Coaster"
6.14.15

In the 1989 film Parenthood, Steve Martin works through the ups and downs of being a parent. In one scene, he struggles with his own fulfillment hinging on his young son catching the ball in a baseball game. He stresses and worries about what the future might hold wondering what it would be like when they do drop the ball. To help him have perspective, his grandmother steps into the room and shares a story about her husband taking her on a date to the fair. She recalls riding the roller coaster and feeling scared and excited all at the same time. She mentions that some people only rode the merry go road, but it only goes around and around. It is safe, but not as fun. She preferred the roller coaster.

In parenting we sometimes wish it was the smooth ride of the merry-go-round, In reality, it is too often the ups and downs of a roller coaster. The thrills, the fear, the unexpected. When those times come, I believe there are four things to know from the bible concerning faithful parenting.

1. Keep trusting God in the dark times.

Deuteronomy 32:4 tells us that with God, "his work is perfect, for all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he." We can turn to His Word and find hundreds of promises. Check the local Christian book store or online vendor and you will find thousands of books concerning the promises of God. We can rely in those promises and rely on the God who made them.

2. Real hope comes from God.

What do we put our hope in? Our kids? Their grades? Their future employment or future spouse and kids? Romans 5:5 that we should boast only in the hope of the glory of God. But how do we boast in the glory of God when our kids turn away from wise counsel or openly rebel? In those moments of trouble, lean on the Paul's words in the last part of Romans 5:5 which tells us that "we know suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame. Hope in God is never misplaced hope. And even when we or our children are going through difficult times, we need to realize that God can work with and through those times so that character and perseverance are being developed.

3. The goal is Christ-likeness.

We strive to raise our kids to be good people. Good Citizens. But God does not want just good Americans, he wants godly offspring. We read this in Malachi 2. So when things start to go astray, take heart, because Romans 8:28-29 reminds us that all things can work for good through God so that we can become "transformed to the image of his Son." The reason God sent Jesus to die and take away our sins was not just to have forgiven people, but to have adopted children who were remade in the image of his only begotten son: Jesus. Our goal then as parents is to raise kids who reflect the image of God. Regardless of profession, income level, or "success" in life, the quality God seeks in our kids is Christ-likeness.

4. The Heavenly Father Understands

Did you know that God has rebellious children? In Isaiah 1:2, God laments, "I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against me." If God, the perfect heavenly father, can raise kids that rebel, then we should draw two conclusions from this: a) We should not be surprised if and when our kids may turn their backs towards us. If God, who is perfect, has  us kids who rebel and disobey, then we should not expect that our children would behave differently. And b) We cannot or would not blame God, our father, for the rebellion of his children, so why do we blame ourselves when our children fail? If we can say with good conscious that we have tried our best along with the help of the Lord, then it is the responsibility of the child when they rebel.

A final thought. We can worry and stress and strive to do our best as parents, but we can take comfort in Romans 8:37-39 which states that there is nothing in all of creation that can keep our kids from the love and will of God's plan for them.  So we fail, and we will, but God is bigger than our shortcoming. If it is his will for our children to be saved, then nothing on this earth can stop it.

Hang on, make sure the lap bar is in the locked position, and enjoy the ride! This coaster of life and parenting is the best!

A Forever Family - Two Become One

"Like Peas and Carrots"
6.7.15

In the movie Forest Gump there is a special moment between Jenny and Forest just prior to her death. As she lies in bed sick and dying, he brings her something to eat and drink. She takes this casual moment to ask about his time in the Vietnam War. He reflects in his slow southern style about the beauty that could be found even in the jungles of war. He continues to paint a mural of beauty that he has seen throughout his life and adventures. At the end of this reflective moment, Jenny comments that she wishes that she could have been there with him. Forest turns his full gaze to her and tells her "you were." In this simple exchange of words we see the heart of the two becoming one exposed on the screen to be seen by all. In this fictional film story is captured the essence of what God describes as "the two will become one flesh." (Ephesians 5:31)

Wow! Who wouldn't love to have a perfect union like this! There is one little problem: we are all imperfect people. God, in his plan for family, places together two individuals who suffer what all mankind has suffered: "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23) We can object to this claim, and mostly likely would object to our own shortfall, but the truth is every man and woman is flawed. How can we overcome this problem? Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:11 that we are "washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." He has provided a solution to this dilemma - our union with Christ.

Paul writes in Philippians 2:1-2 that if we have received encouragement, comfort, love, tenderness, and compassion from knowing Jesus, then we should pass along those feelings and reflect those behaviors with one another. Imagine a marriage where each person served and loved one another out of gratitude and appreciation for the love, kindness, etc. they received from Christ. How wonderful would that relationship be!

I believe that this mutual appreciation and love for each individual is a reflection of the conditions necessary to manifest the majesty of the mystery of the two becoming one. Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:32 that he is not just talking about the union of the wife and husband, but about the union of the church and Christ. God desires us to know one another within the marriage covenant, and he desires each of us to know him through the union of his son and us as the church. I do not claim to fully understand this union, but I do fully trust the God who devised the plan from the beginning. The key for man and wife to be one is to be first united with Jesus and keep the focus on him!

A Forever Family - Key Roles In Marriage

"Leadership & Service"
May 31.15

In marriage there are biblically defined roles as outlined in Ephesians chapter 5. As a child growing up in church I heard a number of sermons on verse 22 and how the wife should submit to the husband. I grew up confused as I heard teaching on a submissive wife who was willing to be quiet and follow her husband no matter what, but saw at home where it took both parents to lead and carry the burden of a family. As I have matured in my understanding of scripture and now have lived for eighteen years as a married man, I see that the true struggle is not submission, but leadership and service. Who leads and who serves has been more the struggle than just plain submission.

The bible is filled with men and women who play out their roles as husband and wife. I have selected a few who I believe give example to the success and failure we can all face.

Adam (Genesis 2:15-3:7)

Here we read where Adam received instruction from God concerning the "forbidden fruit" but fails to lead his wife by failing to protect her from the serpent. He not only fails to protect her and ward off the potential evil, he joins her in the sin. We as husbands are commissioned in Paul's writings that were are to love our wives as Christ loved the church: presenting her without blemish. We are to lead by protecting and providing.

Boaz (Ruth 2-4)

The story of Ruth is a beautiful one, and if you have never read it, I suggest you take the time to read this wonderful short story. In the story, Ruth has returned as a widow to the land of Israel. According to tradition, she is able to search the fields after the reaping so that she and her mother-in-law may survive. Naomi, her moth-in-law, tells her to collect from the fields of Boaz, a close relative to her deceased husband. By law he can marry her and restore her. She does, he falls in love, and they are married. Throughout this time he does not embarrass her while she is gleaning the left overs, protects her integrity with his proposal, and wards off a would be suitor to ensure that their relationship is pure. He is a fine example of how we as husbands should conduct ourselves in the love of our wives.

Sarai (Genesis 16:1-5)

Abram and Sarai have been promised by God that they will have a son. Years pass and no child. Sarai takes lead and attempts to fulfill God's promise with her own schemes. He gives her handmaiden to her husband and the two of them conceive a child. In doing so, she creates a source of frustration and contention in her home and eventually between nations as the descendants of the illegitimate son and the legitimate son continue to bicker and war with one another even to this day. Her leading outside of God's design resulted in problems, not provision.

The Wife Of Noble Character (Proverbs 31)

The woman described in these verses is the framework for all wives. She is a woman of noble character, has godly morals, brings good and not harm, sees that her family is provided for, is prepared for emergency, and is honored by others. She is a woman who seeks God, seeks provision, and is willing to take godly wise steps to ensure that her husband and family is cared for. She seeks no reward for herself, but is loved and honored by her family for all that she does. If you are married to a woman of this description, then you know that the writer of Proverbs is correct in saying that her value is truly "priceless".

When we consider all that men and women do for one another inside a marriage, there is room for moments of leadership for both. In order to see the bigger picture, we must actually start the discussion of submission and leadership with Ephesians 5:21. This verse, set before the outline of a biblical marriage, is the key: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." It is our position in Christ that is most relevant to the exploration of marital position. We should strive to lead as Christ lead. How did he lead? Mark 9:25 and 10:45 record that in the hierarchy of God's economy, in order to lead you must first serve. So if we as husbands want to lead and ask our wives to follow, then we must be the first to serve. As we serve we are leading. There should be no difference on the two roles.